


Don´t wake me up (now that you´re gone).

by BrieConnor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Feels, I'm Sorry, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 03:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12696768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrieConnor/pseuds/BrieConnor
Summary: His legs gave out as the thought of that day months ago when Cas had fiercely said the words struck him. A day when Dean couldn´t say them back, because then they had had a future, that day they´d had time and countless opportunities that were now worthless (he´d been so fucking stupid).Castiel was dead.And Dean, well, he had been a fool to not have seen what Cas had meant to him before.





	Don´t wake me up (now that you´re gone).

_(Sonofabitch,_ Dean thought).

He felt numb, like the world had stopped spinning. Or maybe he was the one that had stopped, and it had just kept turning on without him. Breathing was hard, and for a long moment, he realized didn´t want to go through the motion anymore. He would just rather stop and have the grasping feeling go away. What else could he do now that Cas is gone? What other sense could living possibly have?

He was struck with a painful feeling of guilt – regret from a life not lived. There were so many choices he could´ve taken, so many words he could´ve spoken but hadn´t, and now Cas was gone. The image of burnt wings on the grass struck his mind with added horror, and he couldn´t keep standing anymore.

His legs gave out as the thought of that day months ago when Castiel had fiercely said those words struck him. A day when Dean couldn´t say them back, because then they had had a future, that day they´d had time and countless opportunities that were now worthless ( _he´d been so fucking stupid_ ).

He stayed with Cas until daylight, until he (– _his body,_ he shuddered) was cold and stiff and his lips were blue. At some point, his hand had found Cas´s and couldn´t – wouldn´t – let go, like trying to find normalcy, or the same sort of stability and security he had often found with the blue-eyed man. He was searching for solid ground in a fallen angel´s hand, but there was none to be found. Dean had failed him one last unforgiving time.

Because Cas was gone, the clouds had given out and the sun had imploded, blood rushed, cells dying; hope had finally been given up. And through it all, three words went through his mind, unfiltered, true.

I love you.

Love, Dean wanted to snort. What good was love without you? What good was love without his angel to give it to? (*) The finality of it all – the permanence of it, Cas´s de– ( _no, please, no_ ), leaving was striking him mercilessly. It had been hours since Lucifer´s blade had pierced Cas´s chest, and yet, Dean´s best friend still hadn´t come back.

He´d seen the angel die about a hundred times, and never had it felt so real.

Castiel was… he really was…

But Dean couldn´t manage to accept it. He couldn´t. After everything the angel had been through to save Dean, to help him; he had to at least try his fucking hardest to bring him back; or so-fucking-help-him, he was going to go looking for Chuck to ( _fucking kill him for this_ ) make Lucifer pay.

With that thought allowing him to get back to his feet, Dean spared one last look at Cas ( _hang on there, buddy_ ), before allowing himself to follow Sam into the house.

“Don't wake me up

Now that you're gone

Even the sun is turning blue

What good is love

If you're not here for me

To give it to

And after everything that

We've been through

What good is love

Without you” (*)

**Author's Note:**

> (*) Title taken from Schuyler Fisk´s "What good is love" song.  
> Hope you enjoyed this little fic!


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